Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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