I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
