i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
