He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
