Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
