so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
