Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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