I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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