I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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