matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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