thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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