3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
