I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
