You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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