I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
