I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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