awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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