Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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