not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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