Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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