I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
