Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
