fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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