wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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