i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize