This is not my ceiling
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
