At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
