Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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