Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
did i just pee glitter
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
