I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
