I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
