Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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