UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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