Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
