she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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