I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
