Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize