Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
