I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
