I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
