So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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