Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
