ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
