I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
