They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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