I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize