did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have feelings that need drinking.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
