I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
