We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
