Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
