My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
