So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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