Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
