My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
