Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
