I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
