you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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