can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
