how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
