Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
