You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
