No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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