I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
