Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
