Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
