I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
