therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
