I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
