i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
