She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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