He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
