Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize