just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
