I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
