if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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