I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
