We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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