I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
