i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
