I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
