There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
