Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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