a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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