Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
