If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
