i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You're a waste of cheezeits
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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