Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
