I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
