i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
