drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize