Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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